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clare
Posts:932
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| 10/26/2009 8:22 PM |
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| Ok guys, so what if there's a girl who is very friendly with guys. All guys. She doesn't have any intentions (others may not see it that way). She can talk easily to guys, looks the in the face when she talks (not trying to flirt but kinda coming across that way) she is very good at getting even very quiet guys involved and talking animatedly about their latest projets and life. She is genuinly interested in what they're doing, she is respectful and modest not trying to flirt or get attiontion she is a little bit of a tomboy. She is just being herself. Guys what is your opinion about a girl like that?
You see I am that way. I don't try to flirt with or lead guys on. I AM interested in what they're doing. I never have a lack of guys around...or interested in me. Mom says that even though I'm not meaning to I am sending the "I like you" message to guys. That in my way I am leading them on. I don't want to give up on never talking to guys again. But something has to change. What? Guys get intersted in me and I never wanted to be more than friends, so I hurt them and then myself. My friend told me the other day that a girl cannot just be friends with a guy and I'm starting to believe her. I'm sick of guys falling head over heals over me and I didn't do anything but be myself. Help!!! |
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natasha pearl
Posts:14
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| 10/26/2009 9:52 PM |
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i've had some problums with that toooo... not a ton tho ... i don't know what you can do.... ..... but i'm interested in finding out what everyone else thinks  |
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ITS ALL THE SAME TO THE CLAM |
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James
Posts:35
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| 10/27/2009 2:03 AM |
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| I don't think you should give up being friends just because some of them get the wrong messages. It's really their fault not yours. Maybe just talk to them and tell them you're not interested. The guys should be able to see that you act the same around all your guy friends so they should get their heads out of the clouds. A bit of heartbreak can be a good learning experience and shouldn't do them any real harm. Any relationship should always start with friendship, something solid to fall back on and yes I do think that guys can be just friends with girls. If they are both single and find each other attractive then that can complicate things but you can still always be good friends. |
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emilyjanelle
Posts:510
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| 10/27/2009 2:38 PM |
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I agree with James, for the most part.
Any relationship should always start with friendship, something solid to fall back on.
exactly. I've seen way too many times (and in my own experience) friendships immediately going into, "ooh, I like you after knowing you for 3 weeks, do you like mee?!" and then, a month later, it falls apart. why? because the pair didn't start out as good friends, knowing each others biggest faults and weaknesses (because, of course we'll never be perfect, but once you get to know someone, the REAL person, you'll start to see why they are the way they are).
If they are both single and find each other attractive then that can complicate things.
yeahh, you bet it can. haha. it's practically inevitable that the two will end up (at least for a short period of time) liking each other. but does that mean it should be taken any further, if you've only known that person for a short period of time and, in all honesty, know next to nothing about them?
to answer your question, Clare (I kinda went off-topic, haha): it's okay to be friends with a bunch of different people, but once you get to know them, it's alot easier to decipher if they're worth your time or not. |
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You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
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Adelynn
Posts:516
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| 10/27/2009 10:38 PM |
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My mom says that I "hold court" with guys- she says that I'm usually with the group of guys. I guess that it sometimes bother's my dad, because he says he knows I'm not flirting, but he is worried about the other parent's who see it and assume that I'm a flirt or something worse. But I asked if it bothers him and he said no, if my friends happen to be guys, that's fine. As long as I really am just friends. So I decided that as long as it doesn't bother him, I'm going to continue on my merry way and be friends based on who I enjoy being friends with, not based on their gender.
I do think its interesting that every guy I'm friends with now has had a crush on me or currently does... I think it has more to do with we are attracted to the same things, rather than each other, for the most part at least. |
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"Angel of Mercy, how did you find me? How did you pick me up again? Angel of Mercy, how did you move me, why am I on my feet again?" -One Republic |
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emilyjanelle
Posts:510
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| 10/28/2009 9:29 AM |
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my dad just received the book: What He Must Be If He Wants to Marry My Daughter by Voddie Baucham Jr., from another dad who's daughter (who is my best friend) is also dating. it cracked my mom and I up, because we could just imagine this dad gruffly handing this book to my dad, and saying something like, "something strange is going on here. we've got to do something about it. here's this book." haha.
my point is, most of our dads have our best interests at heart. like Adelynn said, if our parents don't have a problem with who we're friends with and how we're acting around them, then why should we worry? granted, if your pastor, or an older mentor, or almost every one of your friends is asking, "do you like him? you sure act like it." then there should probably be some reevaluation.
I've have several people ask/email my boyfriend and I and ask if we're ENGAGED, for crying out loud! but this was after he had left for missions and we knew it was just people being nosey and nit-picky. so there's a difference between those who have your best interests at heart... and those who simply want to know every stinkin' detail of your life. |
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You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
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clare
Posts:932
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| 10/31/2009 5:28 PM |
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My Mom just got that book for my Dad!!! I sneaked a peak. I heard an interview with him on the radio. Hey has anyone read Quest for Love or Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliot? Mom tried cramming those books on me all summer. Then in despair I broke down and started...cuz I wanted to. Those books are so good! I should of read then when mom said
Thanks for the replies. I guess I'm not too weird after all. I know a few areas I can change on. |
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artyprincess
Posts:224
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| 11/18/2009 4:13 AM |
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| I've read P & P - it is really good. Not a preachy-preachy book, but a simple story of how two people come together through dedicating their lives to God. It's an example of how good relationships can be when God's in control. |
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God Can. |
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Ki-ol Mi-ck-Co-rd
Posts:138
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| 11/18/2009 9:18 AM |
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Posted By clare on 10/26/2009 8:22 PM
Ok guys, so what if there's a girl who is very friendly with guys. All guys. She doesn't have any intentions (others may not see it that way). She can talk easily to guys, looks the in the face when she talks (not trying to flirt but kinda coming across that way) she is very good at getting even very quiet guys involved and talking animatedly about their latest projets and life. She is genuinly interested in what they're doing, she is respectful and modest not trying to flirt or get attiontion she is a little bit of a tomboy. She is just being herself. Guys what is your opinion about a girl like that?
You see I am that way. I don't try to flirt with or lead guys on. I AM interested in what they're doing. I never have a lack of guys around...or interested in me. Mom says that even though I'm not meaning to I am sending the "I like you" message to guys. That in my way I am leading them on. I don't want to give up on never talking to guys again. But something has to change. What? Guys get intersted in me and I never wanted to be more than friends, so I hurt them and then myself. My friend told me the other day that a girl cannot just be friends with a guy and I'm starting to believe her. I'm sick of guys falling head over heals over me and I didn't do anything but be myself. Help!!! My crush is like that (which in hindsight might be bad for me, after reading that). From what her sister said alot of guys chase afer them both (not suprising as they are both beautiful).
But your friend is wrong, there are a lot of people guys aren't attracted to: ie. Girls who don't respect us, girls who don't take care of themselves at all, girls who rude to us when rejecting us and for me girls who aren't her.
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"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few... or the one."
-- Spock, Star Trek 2: Wrath of Khan |
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emilyjanelle
Posts:510
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| 11/18/2009 9:24 AM |
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...and for me girls who aren't her.
haha, Kyle, that made me laugh outloud. not that you're not sincere, that's actually what made me giggle, your blatant honesty. |
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You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
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Nicole
Posts:547
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| 11/20/2009 8:49 PM |
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| Wow, I've never been in any one of these situations. As far as i know at least. i tend to keep a small group of friends, and aside from a few of the guys in my graduating class, i have one guy best friend. My sister, on the other hand, has lots of friends, many of which include guys, and from what i've heard, she's a real boy magnet- not that she TRIES to get the attention of guys; she just likes socializing, she's beautiful, outgoing and friendly, and has a sense of humor. Attracts many guys. Anyways, i didn't mean to get off topic, but Clare, I know i've said it once, but I really believe guys make wonderful friends; it's very possible for a girl to be JUST friends with a guy. If a bunch of guys are highly attracted to you, it must mean you're a beautiful and wonderful girl; just make your intentions clear and keep on being a friend. |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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David
Posts:499
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| 11/23/2009 12:45 AM |
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I haven't thoroughly read all of the responses, but I'm going to respond anyway. Sorry if I end up being redundant.
Clare, you say you are starting to believe that guys and girls cannot be just friends. This is both true and not true, depending on the situation. If one party is attracted to the other (whether it's guy attracted to girl or girl attracted to guy), it is nearly impossible to be just friends, at least until the attraction goes away (if it ever does or can). This is particularly a problem for extroverted, physically attractive girls. You see, just like you girls, we guys like to feel desirable and wanted; but we're supposed to be the pursuer, so we rarely get to feel that way. When a friendly girl comes along who we find attractive, she starts (inadvertently) pushing all of our attraction buttons by giving and showing us what most girls don't (attention, respect, the feeling that you actually like us (whether as romantic or not)). This is particularly true for guys who rarely if ever receive positive female attention. This is sort of a curse for the attractive, outgoing girl. Guys you just want to be friends with will always end up liking you, and, more rarely but it does sometimes happen, a guy you really are interested in won't be able to tell because you are just as friendly to him as you are every other guy.
I'm not saying don't be friends with guys. I'm not saying don't be outgoing and friendly. In fact, I'm not really presenting a solution. I'm just trying to illuminate the male side a little bit, I suppose. |
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Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C.S. Lewis |
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Christina
Posts:90
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| 11/23/2009 2:50 PM |
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Thank you David I havent read any responses or what that comment has to do with the rest of the topic. But that seriously helped me with some issues I'm going through with some guy friends of mine. That was a HUGE help!!! You are amazing!  |
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Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will recieve the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
James 1:12
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clare
Posts:932
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| 11/23/2009 10:29 PM |
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Ok that makes things make more sense! So because I try to treat guys right I'm always going to have guys like me because they feel like they are being treated right (profound). Well I can't change the way God made me look, and I certainly don't want to treat guys like crap.
I have another question. Since I was like 10 this guy has had a crush on me, I never really had one on him though even if he was really good looking. Anyway, when we were 16 & 17 we didn't see eachother for two years or talk at all because I had changed churches. He broke up with his girlfriend and a few months later got my number from my brother. We started talking a lot though we both made it really clear we don't ever want to be anything more than friends. We both are going through the exact same things but like three months apart, so we are always asking advice and helping eachother. He is away on mission work so we email.
My question is, after what David said, should I be afraid of him liking me to much? Would it be better if we didn't talk as much? Neither of us have many friends and so we are really close. If he were to get back the old feelings he used to have for me that would ruin our friendship. He is the most amazing man, but I could never date him, we are too much alike in personalities. I don't want to be mean but if I'm always the one there for him and he for me....it might get hard...I'm not sure what I"m saying anymore! Having a hard time expressing what I'm thinking. Anyone understand what I mean here? |
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Nicole
Posts:547
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| 12/18/2009 5:23 PM |
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| Thanks David! That makes sense. |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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Grant I.
Posts:184
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| 01/28/2010 2:53 AM |
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First of all, and you know it well I'm sure, but don't ever change who you are. You are just naturally outgoing and caring, and that's great! I have a couple of great friends alot like you, and I've had itty bitty crushes on them before, but nothing major. David's right. People with your personality tend to push guys' buttons pretty easily.
As for your friend, if he's like me, he finds it easier to talk about some things with girls, and if neither of you have very many friends, you need each other as friends. I don't think that you should quit talking to him, or anything like that. Yes, there is a chance that he'll start "liking" you again, but that's just a risk you take by being a good friend to any guy. Since you both agreed that you were just going to be friends and nothing more, that understanding is already in place, and hopefully he will respect that. I will say that since he has liked you before, you do need to be a little more careful what you say to him when you're talking. In my experience of trying to get over a one-sided crush, a guy can be pretty edgy. He's trying hard not to have feelings for the girl, but still being "friends." While they're having a casual conversation, and she says something just a little extra special to him, or something like that, it can light the stick of dynamite in him that tells him "Hey, maybe she DOES like me afterall! Woohoo!" To put it bluntly, there goes the neighborhood! Don't quit being his friend because something bad could happen between you two, but DO choose your words wisely when e-mailing/talking/etc. to him, and take care that you don't use too many "trigger" words that could spark a flame in his possibly still smoldering fire.
Good luck, and keep being your cool self! Girls like you are a breath of fresh air among a bunch of uptight, self-centered girls like I see every time I go to the mall, etc.
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clare
Posts:932
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| 01/30/2010 5:51 PM |
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This is particularly true for guys who rarely if ever receive positive female attention.
I read that post a few months ago and why didn't I see that sentence??? It makes things so clear!!
What you said describes my situation Grant...I'm going to have to be more careful |
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Nicole
Posts:547
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| 02/04/2010 11:30 PM |
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| I love the description given by Grant. It makes a lot of things fall into place for me. I agree with everything said on here- so, I won't drive you all crazy by repeating everything. Treat others the way you want to be treated. |
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whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect -Mark Twain |
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natasha pearl
Posts:14
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| 02/27/2010 6:27 PM |
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| ummm i have as i siad at the begianing of this.. i've had this problum too :\ and awhile back this guy asked me out pretty much cause i was nice to him and he thought i was flirting it was awful.. are hole friend ship fell apart.. ... i think i broke his heart... the sad thing is i'm 17 and hes like 25.... i felt awful... its got worse tho... i have a friend thats also nice to everybody like that.. not a crazy flirt but just nice and he went after her... shes 17 too |
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ITS ALL THE SAME TO THE CLAM |
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dqchristian
Posts:44
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| 03/11/2010 11:40 AM |
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Posted By David on 11/23/2009 12:45 AM
I haven't thoroughly read all of the responses, but I'm going to respond anyway. Sorry if I end up being redundant.
Clare, you say you are starting to believe that guys and girls cannot be just friends. This is both true and not true, depending on the situation. If one party is attracted to the other (whether it's guy attracted to girl or girl attracted to guy), it is nearly impossible to be just friends, at least until the attraction goes away (if it ever does or can). This is particularly a problem for extroverted, physically attractive girls. You see, just like you girls, we guys like to feel desirable and wanted; but we're supposed to be the pursuer, so we rarely get to feel that way. When a friendly girl comes along who we find attractive, she starts (inadvertently) pushing all of our attraction buttons by giving and showing us what most girls don't (attention, respect, the feeling that you actually like us (whether as romantic or not)). This is particularly true for guys who rarely if ever receive positive female attention. This is sort of a curse for the attractive, outgoing girl. Guys you just want to be friends with will always end up liking you, and, more rarely but it does sometimes happen, a guy you really are interested in won't be able to tell because you are just as friendly to him as you are every other guy.
I'm not saying don't be friends with guys. I'm not saying don't be outgoing and friendly. In fact, I'm not really presenting a solution. I'm just trying to illuminate the male side a little bit, I suppose.
I second that. |
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"Life is not a matter of holding good cards, it's playing a poor hand well."
Let’s stop trying to FIND the right match and instead BE the right match. |
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