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joe
Posts:5
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| 06/17/2008 11:18 PM |
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| How do guys that are shy want to be approched. I mean, if you like them. |
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emilyjanelle
Posts:141
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| 06/20/2008 1:26 PM |
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i can't believe nobody's replied to you! goodness. okay, here's my opinion...
do NOT be overbearing. do you know what i mean? like, don't be all over him, obnoxious, or trying too hard. let it flow, let it come. if he honestly likes you and wants to get to know you, he'll get over his shy nature. but of course, it's a two way street, so you have to do your part.
meaning, just talk. say hi when you see him at school, church, youthgroup, etc. a simple hello and smile from the girl he likes will brighten up his day. you don't have to give him a monstrous hug or go into a ten minute long discussion on the weather or sports to get him to fall in love with you.
God'll make it happen if it's supposed to. i've had, and still do, such a hard time understanding that, but it's so so true. just let Him do what He will. sometimes, or make that most of the time, it may not be exactly as you want. you may have plan A and B, and God'll have plan F. but God is God and we are not, right?
:] <3 |
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A woman's heart should be so lost in God, that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her. |
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wjr1991
Posts:115
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| 06/27/2008 4:44 PM |
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How do you mean approached? I think a lot rests in that... do you know the guy, and like him, but don't know how to express that? Or do you not know him and want to?
Anyway, you do need to know him somewhat first... like emily said, talk to him- and leave on a positive, inviting note (inviting conversation, of course- like "It was nice to talk to you" or "I have to go- it's been fun talking with you, and we'll have to do it again"... and it helps if you've left him with something to get back to you on... however, that's not necessary...)
Once you get to know him, he shouldn't be so shy around you... so, then it's more obvious what you do... whatever you normally would do to get a guy's attention... |
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caleb
Posts:9
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| 09/16/2008 6:52 PM |
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| im a guy and i think it is easier if the girl either slips him a note saying that you like them or if you be straight up with them and the them how you feel towards them, guys are afraid to be rejected by girls so most shy guys let the girl make the first move |
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maddiegirl
Posts:61
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| 09/16/2008 7:00 PM |
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| i'd say wait for him to make the first move. i think that's really important in a relationship.nut while you're waiting, be open - talk to him, say hi in passing, introduce him to other friends, but don't be too in his face. and then wait for him to respond. |
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wjr1991
Posts:115
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| 09/17/2008 1:34 PM |
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| Hey Caleb, good to have another guy on here... I definitely know the feeling of wanting to know a girl liked me back before I told her that I liked her... but especially as a kinda shy guy, I have to admit that wanting her to make the first move is just simply me being a coward. So honestly, you want to treat him like you would any other guy you might "like"... if he's still too scared to make a move, he's not ready for that kind of relationship. (If he's not convinced that you're worth the risk, he probably wouldn't do so great at holding a relationship together.) |
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JoJo
Posts:221
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| 09/18/2008 5:03 AM |
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Honestly, it depends... On the "Guy" panel at Sistas, the guys talked about sometimes they were too shy to ask a girl out and would feel fine if the girl made the first move... I wouldnt mind making the first move "being a girl, but id have to be pretty certian he liked me back...) but I kinda feel like It's the guys right to make the first move, like he wants to be the "man" and be "man" enough to ask (guys, if I'm worng feel free to correct me, as Im a girl and only going by what i've been told.
If he seems genuinly inerested in you, I guess you can make the first move, but one thing before that (and guys... tell me if this is right cuz my cousin told me this, but I've never tried it, so I donno if you'd agree on this...) maybe talk to the guy by making a general comment like "I wonder what you guys think about girls making the first move (obviously meaning him, but dont be so IN YOUR FACE about it lol  ) then maybe say, "cuz my girlfriends and I were dicussing this yeaterday, and I felt like we needed a guy's oppinion."
If he says, "sure they can make the first move" then make the first move (but obviously not straight away.) and if he says "no way, the guy should do it." then you have your answer....
Hope it helped...
But yeah... it is hard. Im struggling with it myself!
Especially since the guy Im interested shows all the signs of liking me, but then, he hasnt talked to me in 2 months, so Im really confused!
One question guys, is going up to someone and saying "I Like You" a move, or is it only a move if you ask them out?? |
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Aint into entertaining the fame of set you're claiming, the game of naming, Unless the name, I'm naming is Jesus on the throne and reigning! Painting a picture for g's bangin' of how the Lord can save em, train em like a Baltimore Raven, engraving the name of Jesus across your heart cuz its breakin, plus Satan is waiting, anticipating, and hatin’, but once they trapped they's no escapin'
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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joe
Posts:5
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| 09/25/2008 10:34 PM |
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Yeah, thanks for all the replys guys. I was skeptical if anyone would even write on it. Thanks for the advice too. It'll dbe useful in the future. The situation I was writting it for has kind of passed now. The guy I was talking about problyy won't even be in this country for another two years. It'll probly apply to others in the future though. |
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**Jes :-)
Posts:33
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| 11/05/2008 1:12 PM |
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that is so true we need to wait on the Lord! even tho we may feel like it takes so long but He has a plan for everyone. and all we need to do is wait.
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shutterbug99
Posts:9
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| 11/14/2008 11:45 AM |
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Shy guys often don't have the confidence to ask a pretty girl out. The first thing you need to do is get his attention. You can do this by getting his eye contact, smiling at him, and saying "Hi".
Next, find something to say to him that would boost his ego. Shy guys especially need to have their ego boosted.
Guys are attracted to women who make them feel confident in themselves. A woman can make or break a man's confidence in himself. If you make him feel like a hero, he'll act like one. And he'll treat you like gold in the mean time.
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JoJo
Posts:221
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| 11/16/2008 8:31 PM |
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| but what if when you (being a girl) like a shy guy, and you're not really shy, but around him, you cant speak?? then what?? |
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Aint into entertaining the fame of set you're claiming, the game of naming, Unless the name, I'm naming is Jesus on the throne and reigning! Painting a picture for g's bangin' of how the Lord can save em, train em like a Baltimore Raven, engraving the name of Jesus across your heart cuz its breakin, plus Satan is waiting, anticipating, and hatin’, but once they trapped they's no escapin'
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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shutterbug99
Posts:9
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| 11/17/2008 9:14 AM |
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You could always have a friend let it "slip out" that you like him. That put's the ball in his court.
There are some misconceptions about pretty girls amongst men/boys... One is "if she's pretty, she's taken", another is "Pretty girls are looking for quarterback types, not the average Joe".
Keep this in mind. Guys want to be their wife/girlfriends hero. Try complimenting him in front of his friends, brag on him to others(word gets around). Women have a very important roll in the success of their men. If you build him up, he will be great, and he will treat you like a queen.
Good luck! |
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wjr1991
Posts:115
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| 11/17/2008 2:21 PM |
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Hey, shutterbug99... while it's true those would express interest, part of "being the hero" is having enough guts to make the first move... knowing that well that a girl liked me would a.) take any adventure out of making the first move, and b.) make me feel like a coward for not making the first move.
So, as a somewhat shy guy, I would say that most of what you recommended wouldn't have the desired effect on me. Also, I'm rather reserved/modest about myself, so I only take about half of the "ego-boosting" comments seriously... and then I just forget about them. I'm also homeschooled, so in my circles, the word probably wouldn't get around, and if a friend "dropped a hint", I'd know it was rigged.
So yeah... maybe it's just me, but I think those need to be very tastefully applied. (If not overdone, they might work... I dunno, I just was looking at it and thinking "If that happened to me, it wouldn't work right...")
That said, you are totally right about guys wanting to be the hero- that is definitely true. (and about the "If she's pretty she's taken..." I know several girls who are pretty and not taken, so yeah.) |
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shutterbug99
Posts:9
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| 11/17/2008 3:33 PM |
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wjr1991, you're right in that this is definitely not a "one size fits all" subject. I myself was a shy guy in a rather large public school.
I can remember a time when I was walking to class through a crowded breezeway that a young lady, that I had never noticed before, casually bumped into me coming from the opposite direction. She looked into my eyes and gave me a pretty smile. I don't remember how I got her number, but I was dating her shortly thereafter. |
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Derek
Posts:23
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| 11/17/2008 4:31 PM |
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^^haha, that's awesome.
well, i'm not really sure these "moves" you guys are talking about are. no one has really defined them. i think i would define it as, a) asking the other person out or b) letting the other person know you like them. so, i guess both of jojo's answers were right. i've started readin FYMO and the guy is supposed to be the one to take the risks, in order to protect the girl's heart.
anyways, i believe it is not only the guys right, but duty to make the first move. if the girl does it, the guy will never get that chance again with that girl. the guy should be the one to risk rejection, not the girl. |
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JoJo
Posts:221
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| 11/17/2008 5:28 PM |
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| Yeah all of the advice is good to know. the suck-ish thing for me, however, is he lives 2 hrs away and I only see him like 4-6 times a year...maybe a few more... but I do have him as one of my contacts on facebook, so i could talk to him etc on that, but it's not the same as speaking in person. |
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Aint into entertaining the fame of set you're claiming, the game of naming, Unless the name, I'm naming is Jesus on the throne and reigning! Painting a picture for g's bangin' of how the Lord can save em, train em like a Baltimore Raven, engraving the name of Jesus across your heart cuz its breakin, plus Satan is waiting, anticipating, and hatin’, but once they trapped they's no escapin'
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
God Bless!
Mwah XOXO
JoJo |
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Mike
Posts:21
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| 11/19/2008 8:22 PM |
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As you get to know him he'll open up to you. He may be shy but once he trusts you he'll open up and be less shy around you. But I would keep from telling him that you like him. Just befriend him at first. If you sit near him just start up a bit of a conversation, of if he's good at something you're not you could ask him for help with that (math, English, computer problems, etc.) and strike up conversation with him. I would stick to small talk at first though, and avoid any kind of deep probing kinds of questions until you're good friends with him. (because you ought to be asking deep probing questions if you think about dating him)
Oh and the other thing -- make sure you talk to him in person usually. It can be good to text or IM or Myspace/Facebook message him if he's shy, but you won't build any sort of good communication skills doing so. Talk to him in person.
And by the way, read FYWO if you haven't (seeing as you're here I'm pretty sure you did)...it's got some useful things in there (I borrowed it from my best friend [a girl, obviously] and agreed with most of it). Just remember that not everything will apply to everybody from that book. It's more of a general picture kind of book, not a how-to manual. |
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HFDman
Posts:2
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| 11/20/2008 7:37 AM |
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| I think that if you are going to approach a really shy guy u shouldn't come on really storng cause they are shy and they might think you aren't really interested in them and wil just ignore you beilive me because i was a shy guy myself. Its not fun having a girl come up to and coming on really strong it makes u feel really embarrased and overall you will make this guy you like ignore you. |
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Adelynn
Posts:10
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| 12/11/2008 11:27 AM |
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| There is a guy that I see once in a while, and I don't want to go out with him, but I always try to just catch his eye and say Hey if he's walking by, and he sort of just blinks and keeps walking, or says "hi" and then ducks down like "Oops" and strides off. He was homeschooled (like me) but totally sheltered from girls. Any advice on... anything? =] haha like am I just making it worse to try to be friends? He's from a really conservative family, all the parents love me but I'm also the scarlet letter when it comes to their sons. |
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I once paid for a fast food meal with coins.
"Remember the truth that once was spoken, 'to love another person is to see the face of God.'" ~Les Mis |
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Adelynn
Posts:10
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| 12/11/2008 11:30 AM |
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as in, he's super, super shy, and I'm introverted but in the middle of everything. I was just looking for advice on how to be around him so that I don't totally intimidate him or anything, but not hide from him because I feel bad that I'm making him uncomfortable (which I have done, too. Hide from him, I mean)
=] |
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I once paid for a fast food meal with coins.
"Remember the truth that once was spoken, 'to love another person is to see the face of God.'" ~Les Mis |
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