| Author |
Messages |
|
SamiD
Posts:27
 |
| 10/07/2009 7:47 PM |
|
Hey everyone! So I have a question that maybe you guys can answer for me. Me and my boyfriend text a lot, usually over text messages we talk about our possible future together, kids, even the uncomfortable lovie dovey stuff that would normally be imbarresing to say right to eachother's faces lol. If you get what I mean. We have not kissed yet, I recentley put up a post about this, but I still need some help! Anyway yeah we have not kissed and we have never even talked about it. I find it wierd how we can talk about the things that should normally be embarrasing, but when it comes to just kissing it's never been mentioned once. What should I do?!  Please help any advice apreciated.  |
|
|
|
|
sarah
Posts:2
|
| 10/07/2009 9:27 PM |
|
Hey SamiD
Me and my Boyfriend have a very similar relationship . We have been dating for about eight months now and we have never kissed and we do not have a physical relationship and we talk about getting married and all that . We were always too scared to bring up the kissing subject just like you and I didn't know how he felt about that. I have always wanted to wait until the day I marry to have my first kiss , so one day we were talking and I just told him that I don't want to kiss before I get married and he totally respected that and said that he too also wanted to wait for marriage . So I think you should pray about it first and then just bring it up in a conversation and you would be suprised he probably will be open to talk about it and also tell how he feels about it too . |
|
|
|
|
emilyjanelle
Posts:510
|
| 10/07/2009 9:31 PM |
|
| well, I would caution you about how much texting you do, about personal stuff, with him. texting and chatting can be, honestly, just fake forms of communication. I'm certainly not dissing our awesomely technological world. but you said that you two don't talk about this stuff in person, but you feel comfortable doing it in texts? there has to come a point where you cross that bridge and get into the nitty-gritty. no, I'm not saying that you need to plan out your wedding to a T with him. but there has to be some middle ground. or you two will start just "assuming" the other wants to do this, doesn't want to do that, when really you have no idea because you've simply never asked. it's as simple as that! |
|
You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
|
|
SamiD
Posts:27
|
| 10/08/2009 9:41 PM |
|
| Thanks Sarah and Emily! Yea I'm just trying to figure out the right time to mention it. I mean we've talked about marriage and all of that stuff, because I don't like going into relationships if there's no hope at all to begin with so I ask straight off the bat. Well we are sort of long distance so talking about this stuff when we see eachother is sort of hard to do... so we mainly do it over virtual connections if you get what i mean. Because I don't see him very very often. I think if I mentioned it he would be very opened to it, to be honest I have no idea what my fear is and why I can't just ask him. But I know I do have a fear for sure. Maybe I'm waiting for one of our more serious conversations to come up before just asking out of the blue you know. Thanks guys! <3 Live, Laugh, Love, Beilieve- SamiD <3 |
|
|
|
|
SamiD
Posts:27
|
| 10/08/2009 9:43 PM |
|
| oh and emily you're right if I just assume, I may think somethings alright when its not alright with him. Which is one of my fears too. :p |
|
|
|
|
clare
Posts:932
|
| 10/12/2009 6:15 PM |
|
I know exactly how you feel. My now ex and I used to text alot of things that would be embarrassing to say face to face. The more we did it it was almost like it lost the excitement..then we started talking like that with eachother...and that let to subects we should NOT have talked about, at least not the way we did. It's ok to say sweety or sweetheart or handsome but DON'T get physical in your compliments. My bf and I did kiss, I had always wanted to wait till I was engaged but he didn't see anything wrong with it, I kinda hinted that I wasn't so sure I wanted to wait and he kissed me and that was the start to some serious making out. I'm being blunt and honest with you, if you've alreay talked about sex alot and about physical things and you're kissing, the temptation is excruciating! God brought me to my senses before either of us made a horrible mistake.
With texting it's easy to build a deeper relationship FAST then if you were together. It's easy to text something that would be hard to say in person. If you say too many lovey things than the focus of the relationship quicky goes from spiritual and pure to physical and infatuation. I learned to know my ex through texting and since he lived very close and texting wasn't enough he stareted coming over to where I worked (I live alone wi an elderly lady) You'r cringing and saying "Stupid!" ya I was...even though we saw eachother every night we still texted 24/7. I'm sharing all this with you because I don't want you to make the mistakes I did. I have a very stong personality and yet for 4 months I turned my back on who I really was and allowed myself to do everything I NEVER intended to. Don't feel you have to quit texting, just watch what you say, and I'ts a good idea not to at night. When you're tired it's easy to say things you wouldn't at other times. It may be a good idea for you two to try writting letters...if you're that kind of person.
I heard a term for texting that was really lovey and such. It was called Sexting. That opened my eyes to what I was doing. |
|
|
|
|
clare
Posts:932
|
| 10/12/2009 6:18 PM |
|
| I hadn't meant to say that much. You can tell I have alot of opinion. I wish I didn't have to learn it all by experience. I just hope I can be of some help to others now. |
|
|
|
|
emilyjanelle
Posts:510
|
| 10/12/2009 6:53 PM |
|
The more we did it it was almost like it lost the excitement... With texting it's easy to build a deeper relationship FAST then if you were together. It's easy to text something that would be hard to say in person... It may be a good idea for you two to try writing letters...
I couldn't agree more. when my boyfriend left for missions this past September, we kept chatting every day (like we used to when he lived locally). but then after a week or two, my parents made the rule that we would only Skype (video) chat once a week. I thought it would be so hard! and it was. but it's getting easier and better. instead of thinking, "oh my gosh! I haven't talked to him in a whole DAY! I can't stand this!" I'm thinking, "it's been a full week, and I'm really okay that we haven't chatted yet. I can live with this."
I also wholeheartedly support the letter writing. my boyfriend and I are also doing that, and it's exciting! I love waiting and wondering when his letter will come and what he has to say. |
|
You may as well come quiet.
- Police Maxim |
|
|
clare
Posts:932
|
| 10/12/2009 9:50 PM |
|
| If letter writting is too expensive then email but that's faster than mail so you'd even have to limit that. |
|
|
|
|
SamiD
Posts:27
|
| 10/13/2009 5:04 PM |
|
| Thanks I'm going to try to find other ways to communicate like you guys said. Yeah we are very open minded when texting and telling eachother stuff, we have talked about in the future getting married, starting a family, me moving closer to him and all of that stuff. ( we are sort of long distance.) We have started deep conversations, just not on kissing. I don't see why we could'nt kiss before marriage. I have nothing against waiting, if he wants to wait I will too, but kissing wise I'm not very strict on. but not lose lol. As long as it does not lead to other stuff. It's just talking about it thats the problem. It's easier for us just to talk about waiting sex wise, than kissing. It's soooo wierd. Claire I like your opinions! Thanks Emily too, I really don't want to lose what we have just because texting eachother get's boring so I'll find other alternatives. I say we text about 4 days a week, we will text more though If we are having a hard week though. We only sort of talk lovie dovey at night, but other wise we talk normally and try not to over do it and have a life outside of our relationship. Like I'll say goodnight and give my opinions out there but that's it. thanks again!! |
|
|
|
|
Clockwork*
Posts:75
|
| 08/27/2010 8:45 AM |
|
| It is easier to talk about sex as opposed to kissing because kissing is more of a reality now. It is has a better chance of happening between you two than sex. So when you speak of kissing with your boyfriend, sometimes you may experience the same nervous sensation as if you were really there with him. Happens all the time with various things. |
|
"They told me 'Son, you're special... You were born to do great things.' Well you know what...? They were right..." - Jack *Bioschock 1*
I sit in this chair in awe of how you have this effect on me. It's as if I went to a pharmicist and they handed me you. When I smell you I become intoxicated by your narcotic aroma. I am addicted to you as if you were some specialized nicotine. I swallow your gaze like ecstasy. Please sedate me and do what you wish; never cease to be my personal prescribed heroin...
.
|
|
|
|