Jeff and I flew to Las Vegas for our second time in three months, for the annual meeting of the Southeast Chapter of the Young President’s Organization. For those who aren’t familiar with YPO, they are a terrific organization; essentially an association for any young and upwardly-mobile heads of businesses who want to network with others in similar situations. I always enjoy doing corporate events, and this one was a surprise in more ways than one!
First of all, they put Jeff and I in a 5-star suite at the Wynn Resort, which was an experience in itself! We figured if we had to be away from the kids for three days on an event, this was the way to do it! The suite was about three times larger than our apartment in New York, with three televisions (including one in the massive bathroom suite), two restrooms, and absolutely stunning views of the city and mountains from both the bedroom AND the living room.
I did two talks, one for the women - who were mostly spouses of the YPO members, rather than heads of companies themselves - and one for the men the next day. Jeff actually joined me for a ‘cameo’ on that second talk. Nearly all the women were there for the first talk, but since the men’s version was a breakout session that competed with four other breakouts, I was expecting like two people to show up. But those wives must have exerted some serious arm-twisting pressure (”now its your turn to understand me, honey”) because about 1/3 of the men came (about 30 guys).
I was hoping to have a chance to delve more deeply into the corporate applications of the usual For Women Only talk, which I really enjoy - there are so many important ways that an understanding of how men are wired would help women in the workplace. But as often happens, I’m often struck by how these corporate retreats have so few women there as principals; and since most of the women were spouses looking for the relational application of my findings, that’s what I focused on. And I think it ended up being a helpful, productive time for everyone. Each time I do an event outside a faith-based environment, I’m really struck, though, by the difficulty that some women have with the idea of supporting their husband just to be a support, without demanding something in return. As is often the case in non-faith-based environments, the vast majority of the women were fine and fascinated by my research and my findings, but there were a small and vocal minority that just don’t like the idea of demonstrating respect to their man as a person, even if he’s made mistakes. It’s really interesting to peel back the layers of that discomfort to understand what it is - in all of us, probably - that wants the tit for tat. The thing that says, “I’ll respect you once you do XYZ for me.”
I was also struck, as I recalled how those women wrestled with this idea, that I didn’t hear any of that from the men. I’ve almost never had a man verbalize any concern about “I’ll love her once she does this or that.” Instead, the men are simply more likely to be in the ‘bewildered’ category, just not understanding certain things about their wife and wanting to learn.
What is it in us as women that has such a hard time with being one-sided, I wonder? Women aren’t the only ones who struggle with selfishness, obviously, but on this area, it really is interesting to see the dichotomy.